I pity the fool...

...who cuts in front of ME in line at Chamber's "Get in for free before 10" thing.

So I'm standing there about 25 back at around 9:30, which is fine, but almost not fine; they move so slowly there as to limit the amount of money they lose from people, such as myself and all the other cheap gay boys in town, who just get their wristband go in and leave.

So like I said, I'm standing there and these five QUEENS walk up and they're all like "OMG these people wont care we're cool." The fat blond one--let me back up: the FIRST fat, blond one; there were a few--proceeds to announce to the crowd that he left his mega-hot boyfriend at home to ditch the woes of domestication for a killer night out on the town. He then asks everyone to compliment him on his (unfortunately) form-fitting shirt thing and his new hair cut, which would have been an improvement if he wasn't buck-toothed and challenging draq queen Jacqueline Summers in the "I've Eaten More Fatty Food in my Life Than You Have" contest. But yeah, they were annoying.

The old blond queen, who was not really fat but then again not really blond so I guess he was just old said at that point "Gee, I guess these people behind us will be mad if they don't get it."

"Sho' nuff," said the aforementioned fatty. "I can't do shit about it though. I only have $10."

There was a resounding, I'm-desperate-to-be-in-the-in-crowd-esque "yup."

"Well, if I don't get in, I'll be taking that $10 from you," I said. There were gasps. "And I dare you to cut in front of me again."

"It's not elementary school, OMFG!!!!111" said the fattest one, you know, the one who ditched his b/f. "We can all get it."

"Right, but you should have learned to be, like, honest there. Then again, I guess you reinforced that you didn't when you talked about having a hot boyfriend."

"Oh I know you didn' girlfriend. You don't even know me and you want to fight?" he exclaimed, his fat face turning almost purple. "I do not fight children sorry."

"Oh, my mission is not to fight," I said, scratching my balls. "I'm just here to point out many of the ways in which you suck--see: shirt, pants, face, gut, gut, gut, and shoes--because you decided that the time I took getting here early didn't mean anything; your fat ass played judge, jury, you know, the whole bit."

"Um, actually I don't. I hope I don't see you inside," he said. "You WILL be sorry."

"Why?" I asked."Are you the newest drag queen?"

Eh, I can't believe I said that. I COULD have come up with better.

But he was still fat and ugly!