It amazes me...

...how that cliché phrase, "just when I thought I knew what was going on..." proves itself true, time and time again. This morning, as I was hanging my work clothes outside to dry and pondering what I was going to write in my blog today, I saw a face I'd only seen in pictures dancing around on my dock, a myth translated into real life.

Some background, since I've not written much on it: this year, I've befriended a girl named Jenny, a new resident of the Boathouse from Arkansas. In leaving Arkansas, she also left her girlfriend, Ryan, which was understandably very hard, and as many freshmen--though she's technically a sophomore--often do, she convinced herself of the necessity to maintain the relatioship, which, coupled with Ryan's recurring drug and alcohol problems, has resulted in a semester of (in my opinion) unnecessary heartache for Jenny, which ended a couple weeks ago when she broke it off.

But then something bad happened in Arkansas, something which I think involved death though I've yet to get a straight answer from Jenny. Earlier this week, there were talks of Ryan coming here, though there have been talks of Ryan coming here since Jenny came here and I figured they were bullshit because Jenny and Ryan just didn't work, in my mind. They didn't make sense.

Seeing them doing what I can best cateogorize as dance out on the deck just blew my whole theory. They definitely make sense, though I think that like the weather that's blessed us today, this period might just be a bit of an indian summer, though I'm not sure if it's the Arkansas--one day---variety or the Florida, which tends to be, like all year.

Then there is Haris.

Here is where another cliché comes in : "(some amount of time) ago, I would have never placed myself here." Haris is a wonderful Bosnian boy I met online and, well, the past two days have been unique. As I'm a big believer that history is the best teacher and knowing that in my history I have a, well, history of rushing, I'm trying not to feel too much too fast, but something I do know is that Haris is different. He's intelligent in many dimensions. Being that he's not natively American he by default brings a whole set of perspectives to the table. He has (what I've come to decide is) a wonderfully Bosnian way of talking about things, which would sounds cheesy and dumb if an American was saying it, but with his delightful accent it just, I don't know. I don't think I've had much time to digest this so I don't think what I'm saying will come out as coherent. Oh yeah, and he has really really pretty green eyes, an amazing sense of fashion, a very nice dog, and he's quite the gentleman. Now where does the cliché come in?

Oh yes, Getting off of I-275 the other night with him, I was just thinking about ten years ago, having just moved back to Missouri. It was before we had Rocky. Then six months before that, prepared to leave Ohio, where I'd come three years before, burned moving van and all, and could not wait to leave but kind of fighting back tears and kind of scared since my sister and I had just broken into someone's house two weeks before. And then even as recently as a month and a half ago. I had just broken up with someone I wasn't really with but was enough to hurt even though I could not stand him. I was desperately unemployed, spending every Monday and Wednesday applying for jobs and coming up with nothing. I hated my classes, in particular my drama class, into which I'd been forced by virtue of Dr. VanSpanckeren's cunt-ass kicking me out of her class.

Not that everything is peachy now.

But I would never, ever have predicted in September that I would have two jobs, one of which would be an internship of sorts, that I would actually being seeing someone that's attractive AND intelligent AND motivated, that I would have such certainty in my life. All the seemingly endless nights at Chamber's, alone the whole way, all the aimless job hunts and résumé postings and pity parties I threw for myself, the dark tunnels I went down because I had nowhere else to go, even in the brightest points of light I convinced myself that I saw, I never saw anything like this. I pictured that I would, at best, have a job at Chili's or somewhere, be maybe seeing some other college loser or something, still hate classes but just be pushing on, and I don't know.

Speaking of the second job, I need to call a couple storage places and do my secretarial duties. I will write more later.